Where Is Your Peace?

Where Is Your Peace?

When To Leave A Bad Relationship

 

So many people come on the forum and ask if they should leave their partner.  They’re confused, hurt, and scared.  Granted, there’s always some sort of story that goes along with the question.

They’re in a relationship with someone:

  • Who is over-drinking or drugging.
  • Who is not emotionally available.
  • Who doesn’t act like they are in love anymore.
  • Who is a very selfish person or a narcissist.
  • Who is emotionally or physically abusing them.

Of course, there are other scenarios as well.

Now this is a tough question to answer.  There’s no “one-size-fits-all” answer for sure.

But I’d like to go over five signs or signals that indicate that it might be time to get packing.

  1. Any Type Of Abuse

Hands down abuse is a clear indicator that it’s time to end the relationship.  I’m talking emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. Abuse is never alright. Even if they’re going through something horrible or they’ve had a tough life; it’s not acceptable.  Even if you’ve acted out, made mistakes, or whatever, it’s not acceptable.

If you’re experiencing abuse in any form, it’s time to get out of that relationship.  If you need help, find the nearest domestic violence center and speak with someone who can support you.  If you have nowhere to go, they may be able to assist you. Even staying on your best friend’s couch is better than staying in an abusive situation.

Also, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They’ve got professionals that can help you sort this out and make a plan to end the abuse.  You never deserve abuse; not ever. Leaving is YOU standing up and practice self-care. It’s you taking care of you and letting that other person figure out what to do with themselves. You don’t owe him or her anything. You don’t have to be loyal to someone who is abusing you.

  1. Your Talks Amount to No Changes

Chances are you’ve voiced your wants and needs in this relationship, multiple times. You might have even screamed them a few times, to no avail. He keeps drinking himself into oblivion. She keeps flirting with every man she sees, right in front of you.  He stays out later and later, neglecting the relationship. And so on.

If you’ve had discussion after discussion, clearly stating what you want and need, and they’re not willing or able to at least work towards meeting them, it might be time to cut ties. I’m not saying to leave if they have no idea what’s going on inside your head. You’ve got to get very honest with yourself and them, and also ask them what their wants and needs are.

However, if you’ve done this over and over, and nothing is changing and they’re not looking like they’re interested in “doing the work” to make changes, it might be time to make the break.

  1. They Keep Lying

Living with a repetitive liar can feel awful. You never know if you can trust what they are saying. You want to believe them. You want to believe that they’re making a turnaround, but there you are finding them in yet another lie.

Some people are repetitive liars and for one reason or another, can’t or won’t stop.  If this has been going on for a while and your requests for honesty are not being met, it might be an indicator that this relationship isn’t going to work for you.

  1. Emotional Neglect

Feeling alone in a relationship sucks.  You want to emotionally connect with your partner at least to some degree, right? But not everyone is able to make that connection – or not everyone WANTS to make that deep and meaningful connection. And that’s alright if you want a shallow connection; it actually works for many. But if you’ve voiced your wants and needs and they’re continually being neglected, it might be time to make the cut.

  1. No Love Reciprocation

It’s not very fun to be on the other side of someone who does not reciprocate love.  You love them and you happen to like to show affection. But they don’t. You’ve asked and asked for them to level up on this end.  To affirm love every now and then. Show affection sometimes. But they don’t. They may not feel those love-type feelings for you or they just don’t know how to reciprocate them. They may have checked out long ago and are simply staying out of comfort or fear.  Either way, if you’re giving, giving, and giving and not getting anything in return, it might be time to leave the relationship.

Granted, there are other situations and solutions, but these indicators can help you gauge your relationship and get clearer on what you should do. And, if you find yourself continuing to struggle, reach out to a good therapist for some guidance. You don’t have to figure it out all alone.

You deserve a healthy relationship with someone who values and appreciates you. There’s too many people out there who CAN do that, so don’t stay connected to someone who won’t. This is your life and what you want and need matters.

 

Seek the Light – Devotional

Seek the Light – Devotional

When To Leave A Bad Relationship

 

So many people come on the forum and ask if they should leave their partner.  They’re confused, hurt, and scared.  Granted, there’s always some sort of story that goes along with the question.

They’re in a relationship with someone:

  • Who is over-drinking or drugging.
  • Who is not emotionally available.
  • Who doesn’t act like they are in love anymore.
  • Who is a very selfish person or a narcissist.
  • Who is emotionally or physically abusing them.

Of course, there are other scenarios as well.

Now this is a tough question to answer.  There’s no “one-size-fits-all” answer for sure.

But I’d like to go over five signs or signals that indicate that it might be time to get packing.

  1. Any Type Of Abuse

Hands down abuse is a clear indicator that it’s time to end the relationship.  I’m talking emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. Abuse is never alright. Even if they’re going through something horrible or they’ve had a tough life; it’s not acceptable.  Even if you’ve acted out, made mistakes, or whatever, it’s not acceptable.

If you’re experiencing abuse in any form, it’s time to get out of that relationship.  If you need help, find the nearest domestic violence center and speak with someone who can support you.  If you have nowhere to go, they may be able to assist you. Even staying on your best friend’s couch is better than staying in an abusive situation.

Also, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They’ve got professionals that can help you sort this out and make a plan to end the abuse.  You never deserve abuse; not ever. Leaving is YOU standing up and practice self-care. It’s you taking care of you and letting that other person figure out what to do with themselves. You don’t owe him or her anything. You don’t have to be loyal to someone who is abusing you.

  1. Your Talks Amount to No Changes

Chances are you’ve voiced your wants and needs in this relationship, multiple times. You might have even screamed them a few times, to no avail. He keeps drinking himself into oblivion. She keeps flirting with every man she sees, right in front of you.  He stays out later and later, neglecting the relationship. And so on.

If you’ve had discussion after discussion, clearly stating what you want and need, and they’re not willing or able to at least work towards meeting them, it might be time to cut ties. I’m not saying to leave if they have no idea what’s going on inside your head. You’ve got to get very honest with yourself and them, and also ask them what their wants and needs are.

However, if you’ve done this over and over, and nothing is changing and they’re not looking like they’re interested in “doing the work” to make changes, it might be time to make the break.

  1. They Keep Lying

Living with a repetitive liar can feel awful. You never know if you can trust what they are saying. You want to believe them. You want to believe that they’re making a turnaround, but there you are finding them in yet another lie.

Some people are repetitive liars and for one reason or another, can’t or won’t stop.  If this has been going on for a while and your requests for honesty are not being met, it might be an indicator that this relationship isn’t going to work for you.

  1. Emotional Neglect

Feeling alone in a relationship sucks.  You want to emotionally connect with your partner at least to some degree, right? But not everyone is able to make that connection – or not everyone WANTS to make that deep and meaningful connection. And that’s alright if you want a shallow connection; it actually works for many. But if you’ve voiced your wants and needs and they’re continually being neglected, it might be time to make the cut.

  1. No Love Reciprocation

It’s not very fun to be on the other side of someone who does not reciprocate love.  You love them and you happen to like to show affection. But they don’t. You’ve asked and asked for them to level up on this end.  To affirm love every now and then. Show affection sometimes. But they don’t. They may not feel those love-type feelings for you or they just don’t know how to reciprocate them. They may have checked out long ago and are simply staying out of comfort or fear.  Either way, if you’re giving, giving, and giving and not getting anything in return, it might be time to leave the relationship.

Granted, there are other situations and solutions, but these indicators can help you gauge your relationship and get clearer on what you should do. And, if you find yourself continuing to struggle, reach out to a good therapist for some guidance. You don’t have to figure it out all alone.

You deserve a healthy relationship with someone who values and appreciates you. There’s too many people out there who CAN do that, so don’t stay connected to someone who won’t. This is your life and what you want and need matters.

 

What Is Affirmative Prayer?

What Is Affirmative Prayer?

What Is Affirmative Prayer?

 

I’ll pray for you.

We say that quite a bit, don’t we?  But I imagine many times the sentiment is not followed through upon.  I know I’ve said it and then forgot to actually take a moment to pray for someone.  

So, I don’t say it much anymore.

Rather, I take time right then to speak an affirmative prayer for that person or whoever is in need of prayer at the moment.

What is Affirmative Prayer?

Affirmative prayer is simply a prayer that affirms a spiritual Truth. It’s positive and in real-time, not asking for something to happen in the future, but for the “something” to happen NOW. To manifest NOW.

There’s a story in the Bible about Jesus’s friend Lazareth dying.  Jesus was deeply saddened by this. It is recorded that Jesus prayed for Lazarus to arise from the dead, but he didn’t ask for him to be reborn.

He commanded it.

“Lazarus, come forth!” John 11:43

See, Jesus knew who he was IN God. He knew God’s presence was everywhere, and he knew how to tap into that powerful force.

He used affirmative prayer to get that healing process into motion. To defy the natural laws of this world with a spiritual law of healing and wholeness.

There are literally hundreds of records of people being healed throughout all religions and faiths by people who recognized their unity with the mighty God-force. They’re not begging for healing; they’re commanding it. They’re agreeing with the spiritual laws.  They’re not focused on the symptoms. They’re focused on birthing the manifestation of health!

But if this is true, then why isn’t everyone healed right away?

Sometimes it’s a process, dear one. The revelation is a process, and one you can get that, bam. It’s done.

How to Use Affirmative Prayer

  1. Recognize who God is
  2. Unite yourself with God. We are all a part of God, created by Spirit.
  3. Realize the truth by speaking exactly what you desire (Be healed)
  4. Offer gratitude
  5. Release and let outcomes go. Trust.

As you use affirmative prayer, let your feelings enter into your prayers. Emotions matters and helps with manifesting whatever it is we want.

“The most important lesson we can learn is how to pray.” E. M. Bounds

“Prayer puts God in the matter with commanding force.” E. M. Bounds

Oh, The Mystery of Divine Being!

Oh, The Mystery of Divine Being!

Oh, The Mystery of Divine Being!

 

“But the basic reality of God is plain enough. Open your eyes and there it is! By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes as such can’t see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of his divine being.”  (Romans 1:20)

Tis the season for Christmas music, tree decorating, cookie exchanges, and celebratory gatherings, right?

Ah, yes. The holidays can certainly be a time for traditions and family/friends’ gatherings.

I’ll admit it’s my favorite time of the year. There just seems to be a “happy spark” among most people, like they’re anticipating something good coming along. Or maybe it’s that there’s just a good feeling about giving – or getting.

But in all the hustle and bustle of the holidays, let’s not get so caught up in the humanistic activity that we forget the spirituality or meaning behind it.

Granted, I understand Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ. And not just his birth, but his ministry, his lessons, his amazing love and compassion for humanity. 

Are we taking time to contemplate, meditate, and thank Jesus for all that he has brought to humanity?  Are we taking time to celebrate the love and fellowship we have with our loved ones? Reaching out to others who may be lonely and/or suffering?

There’s the spirit of the holiday that we can really tap into, whether we’re following the Christian faith, the Buddhist way, Interfaith, Science of Mind, and so on. Sure, go ahead and go about your holiday traditions, and if you’re up for a challenge, take a fresh look at the ministry of Jesus Christ while he was on the planet. Connect with him in a deeper, more meaningful way.

Make a fresh commitment to getting quiet with God regularly, via meditation, prayer, silence, etc.

I’ll guarantee you as you do, you’ll experience more and more the spirit of God’s power and divine nature.

God’s divinity! God’s mystery!

And, as a result, you’re love reservoir should increase, so be sure you’re lavishing big love on others. Be a vessel that God can work through.

I don’t know about you, but this is the “happy spark” that’s got my motor running – in the holiday season and beyond.  Allowing God’s presence to engulf me, taking it where ever I go (because God is in all things), and sharing the Love of Christ to all.

Won’t you join me?

Prayer for Today:  God, bust open my heart and fill me with the kind of Love that can only come from you. I’m grateful for you, for the ongoing ministry of Jesus, and well, everything. I commit to keeping my focus on you first this holiday season and I’m excited to see just what we can accomplish through you.  

 

 

Is Your Life Too Busy?

Is Your Life Too Busy?

Is Your Life Too Busy?

 

Simplicity matters.  The ability to recognize whether you’re choosing to live simple or in a frenzied manner will certainly make a difference in how your life unfolds.

I understand we live in a culture that is on “fast-forward”. Many children and students are rushing around day in and day out, and quite honestly most people are tired.

They’re frayed around the edges.  I can see it in their faces.

It was Confucius that said,

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

There is much truth to that, but I admit when I first read that, I think, “Is life really simple?” 

Well, it can be.  It is for some people, and some cultures around the world, because they choose a simpler life. 

So, how does one go from the fast-track to a simple, slower track?

First, make the intent. Purpose to make some changes in 2018, and I don’t mean scrawny changes. Big changes. The kind of changes that involve shedding some heavy weights and measures. The kind that allow you to take back control of your life, and your passion and purpose.

Make a Not To Do List

Sit down today and make a “Not-to-do” list.  What is it that you’re doing that you don’t have to do? By scratching off those things one by one, you’ll free some of your time up, but not so you can waste it on things that drain your energy.  How about taking that time to do things that fill you up? Feed your spirit?  Things like spending quality time with your loved ones, meditating, praying, sitting in silence under the stars, gazing at the magnificent sky. Taking a workshop or class that empowers you. Or simply doing those things you say you wish you had time to do.

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.” Henry David Thoreau

Thoreau is quite an inspiration.  He spent two years in solitude in a small cabin in Maine to live deliberately and ethically, and he received so much wisdom that he’s offered to the world. And, it’s not like he didn’t want to enjoy life or was simply running from reality. He says, “I wanted to live deep and suck all the marrow out of life.”  

Now, maybe you can’t go off on a vision quest, but you can make some changes that can result in a simpler life. You can let go of some time-wasters. You can purpose to slow down, simplify, and live more consciously.

I think of what the Apostle Paul shared with the Corinthian church in Romans 8:6-8.


“Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God.”


The one who lives a simpler life, a more peaceful and joyful life, will not be obsessed with “self”. Will not be living the ways of the world, as they do lead to a spiritual dead end. Rather, those that keep their inner eyes fixed on God/Spirit/Jesus/Universe will live a more spacious, free life. 

And that, my friends, is a beautiful way to live.

If you need help making some changes, reach out.

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.” ― Ernst F. Schumacher

Respect the Mystery

Respect the Mystery


“The wise man is one who, knows, what he does not know.”
― Lao TzuTao Te Ching


 

I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I get on the path of wanting to know.
Seeking answers. Needing the truth.

But you know what?

Oftentimes that leads me to feeling frustrated, especially when it comes to spirituality, because there’s just no way I could ever get the full revelation of the Divine while in this body.

Sure, maybe Jesus or Buddha did, but I’m thinking I’m not quite there.

The last time I started feeling a bit of discontent spiritually, I heard deep within,

“Respect and honor the mystery.”

Wow. That swept through my whole frame.

See, just as Lao Tzu mentioned, the wise one is he who is alright with knowing what he knows, and not needing to know more.

Not striving. Not trying to one-up everyone else.

Rather, by letting go. By being alright with where you are right now, which is all you ever are anyway.

Here, now.

For me, remember to respect and honor the mystery settles my mind.  Sure, I want to understand it all. I want to experience transcendence and more, but can I be alright each moment?

Can I simply be?

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

Simply believe. Respect the mystery of Jesus and God’s Kingdom, and smile.

It’s not meant to be hard.

 


“The further one goes, the less one knows.” 
― Lao TzuTao Te Ching